Is it wrong or even weird for me to desire to be innocent again? To even go as far as to say I wish I was still sort of naive? I wish my mind and heart had not been exposed to things it has been exposed to, that I could take away the images, situations, jokes, stories, etc that I have compromised my heart and mind with.
I want to experience pure love! I want to be romanced by the only one worth loving! Yes, deep in my heart I do desire to meet the man of my dreams and fall in love and have the fairytale romance and eventually have a family and just be….happy. (ok i know it’s not all about a fairytale and being happy but that there are hardships as well….just go with me and my hopeless romantic side) But ultimately I know that before I even take a step towards that life that I so desire, that I have to learn to fall in love with my Savior and to be completely content in Him. I need to know that His love is the pure love that I long for, that His love contains the redeeming component that my heart thirsts for. That His love can ultimately make my heart and mind more innocent and pure. that his blood can take away all those thoughts, images, situations, etc that I constantly worry about. But right now I doubt that, I doubt that His love is enough. Is this normal? I mean, I’m a christian and have been one for….well technically like 20 yrs (if you go on when i first asked Jesus to live in my heart) 13 or 14 years since I began to really follow Him and feel that tug in my life. But after all those years and all the things I have been through and survived…is it still normal to doubt that His love could ever be enough?
I’ll continue on this more later…
