where do i take my next step?

my mom has always talked about eventually selling our house and getting an apartment or something b/c it is too much for her to take care of, especially since she has had her strokes. well now it’s a real possibility and maybe in the next year or so. It kind of scares me b/c i will no longer have a place to call home. i guess i carelessly have been saying that being at Lee is like being at home and i do feel like i am moving on with my life when I am down there, but being here in MD, on plater st….that’s real home. there is a sense of comfort here. i’ve lived in this house since i was a little over a year old, and i always thought that it would become mine at some point or i would have it to come back to until i had my own family or something. this actually scares the crap out of me. the place they are looking at moving to is more of a senior housing place and i obviously cant stay there. i can visit for a week…that’s the longest i can stay there. so if they move by next summer…i wont have anywhere to go during summer break. granted, i will only have one semester left so i could possibly try to stay in TN but i mean i would miss my mom. she is so sick and i just dont know how much time i truly have with her left. most of my friends have fairly healthy parents or at least one of them is healthy and they dont have to worry about not having them for awhile. but i already lost my dad and my mom is sick. she is a fighter and she shouldnt have ever lived past childhood and she definitely shouldnt have ever had kids so i know she will fight but there is only so much left in her. i guess it’s more then not having the house to come back to, but more of i know it will be the beginning of really not seeing my mom hardly at all. it’s expensive to live in MD and unless i can find a decent job once i graduate, i want to stay in TN.
i guess i dont know what this post is all about. i’m just scared about so much. i need a job once school starts. and so much is changing at school. two of the people that have had the biggest impact on my life arent going to be there anymore. and my best friends are trying to enlist in the navy so they will probably be leaving soon too. it’s like i’m slowly losing everyone. and i know this sounds pathetic, but i see no prospects for my future. that includes jobs, housing, and family. i want a family so bad but i never get the 2nd glance.
i’m in such a limbo in life. so many decisions need to be made that i may not see the effect of for a while but i’m just not sure where to start. and i dont want to do the wrong thing. i’ve already messed up so much on so many things.
i’m drained and i feel like i havent done anything.
my relationship with God is absolutely lousy. it’s like i cant bring myself to do anything about it b/c i feel too ashamed about so much!
ok….i gotta stop these tears from flowing